It was so funny I immediately searched for this account in Facebook… but was disappointed. There ARE Jose Rizal accounts in FB like this and this. But I guess the image I encountered was just too good to be true – people pretending to be our national heroes and having actual conversations in FB. Hehehe. Oh well, at least I had a good laugh with this one.

Naisip ko… ilang tao kaya ang masasapak o masasampal pag ginamit nila itong mga linyang ito?! ^^;

1. No name/Filjohn – “Para kang NFA rice, ang sarap mong pilahan.”
2. GRACiA – “Marunong ka bang mag-gardening? Gusto ko sana magpadilig.”
3. GRACiA – “Para kang basketball player, 3 points ka kaagad: tall, dark and handsome!”
4. Frederique – “Hindi ka ba nalulungkot? Kasi nag-iisa ka sa puso ko eh…”
5. Dru – Ibarra: “Maria Clara, ang iyong kagandahan at hinhin ay walang katulad.” Maria Clara: “Tit* mo!”
6. Green Miser – “Sabi ng doctor malala na raw yung sakit ko sa puso, dalawa nalang daw options ko. Either ICU or U C me.”
7. Dox – “Napakarami na talagang mga banat ngayon. Wala na tuloy akong maisip…kundi ikaw.”
8. Luxurious Chic – “Ide-delete na kita s friendster…kasi ayoko na ng friends lang eh.”
9. No name – “Frontview, sideview, rearview, topview, sa kahit ano pang view. . .Iluview.”
10. Chinita/Astroboy – “Bastos ka din no? Hindi ka man lang kumakatok, tuloy-tuloy kang pumasok sa puso ko!”
11. Dr. Delectable – “Nasaan ka kagabi? Wala ka kasi pa panaginip ko…”
12. JC/Tofi – “Magaling ka ba sa algebra? Pwede kang i-substitute sa EX ko?”
13. Kid Bukid – “Nagpapa-cute ka ba? Pucha, ume-effect eh!”
14. Tresebry – “Miss kahoy ka ba? Ang sarap mong sibakin eh.”
15. Bottom Dweller – Wala akong balon, wala akong gripo, pero may poso ako…na nagmamahal sa ‘yo.”
16. Lara - At a coffeeshop. Miss: “Excuse me, bakit ang tabang ng kape ko?” Barista: “Ay sori miss, akala ko kasi tama na yan, dahil sa tamis ng iyong mga labi.”
17. Vianne – “Alam mo, tumataba ka. Bumibilog. At unti-unti kang nagiging MUNDO ko!”
18. Ang Manunusok – I once had a diabetic patient. Me: “Sir, ang taas nanaman ng blood sugar niyo.” Patient: “Ikaw kasi eh, ang sweet mo.”
19. Geyp – “I always look at your boobs because I know that behind them lies your heart.”
20. Astroboy – “Naka-anaesthesia ka ba? Bakit hindi mo maramdamang mahal na kita?”
21. Eytin91 – Boy: “Can I call you mine?” Girl: “No, because I’m yours.”
22. No name – “Pag tapos mo nang sagutan yung exam mo, pwede ako naman ang sagutin mo?”
23. Acer – “Panadero ba tatay mo? Ang sarap ng buns mo eh!”
24. Appen – Gusto mo ba apelyido mo? Para kasing gusto kong palitan…”
25. SC – “Hindi ko naman gustong maging akin ka. Ang gusto ko lang, maging sa iyo ako.”

Award-winning broadcaster Jessica Soho caused a commotion in the waters off Pilar town in Bataan when the townspeople mistook her for a beached whale, according to reports reaching Good Times Manila.

Soho was reportedly taping a special summer episode of her show “Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho,” in which she was supposed to showcase rare corals and marine life in the area when the incident occurred Friday afternoon.

Garbed in scuba-diving gear, Soho was cast adrift a few hundred meters from their boat and was floating near the shore when some fishermen spotted her, locals said.

The fishermen quickly alerted the town’s environment office about what they thought was a beached whale, possibly a humpback, one of the biggest whale species frequently spotted in Philippine waters.

“Last February, there were some dolphins and whales that were beached in the same area, so when we saw her (Soho), we immediately assumed the worst,” one of the fishermen told GTM.

Dozens of environmentalists, local media, tourists and residents rushed to the area to take a look at the “beached whale” in hopes of guiding it back into deeper water.

But when they got near, they were shocked to see Soho, who had no idea what the hullabaloo was all about.

“It was an honest mistake and we have apologized to Ma’am Jessica. We did not mean to disturb her work at all,” Raul De Jesus, the local environment office chief, said.

In a statement issued to GTM, Soho said she has accepted the apology, saying it was “understandable,” and that the commotion did not impede their taping of her show.

“There was no harm done, and no offense was intended or taken. This experience has not made me lose my love of scuba-diving and I will continue to enjoy the wonders of nature underwater,” she said.

But to make sure that the mistake would not be repeated, Soho said she would ask for a custom-made scuba diving suit with vertical white stripes for a slimming effect.

I guess it was an honest mistake. I like the way Jessica handled the commotion – very professional.

…with a comment:

Uy! May space pa para kay Kris Aquino!

I did some research to find who created that artwork and ended up on the Peace Love and Revolution website. It turns out that Rev Naval made this artwork as a personal tribute to the mother of our nation – the former president of the Republic of the Philippines and the woman behind the peaceful People Power EDSA Revolution in 1986 – CORAZON “CORY” AQUINO (January 25, 1933 – August 1, 2009).

Great artwork, Rev!

Well, if you’re craving for alcohol but you only have six pesos to spare, worry no more! Just like coffee, gin now comes in sachets – thanks to San Miguel.

One sachet can fill up one shot glass – so if you want to perfectly measure the amount of alcohol in your drink, buy these cute gin sachets.

Panalo diba?! ^_^ Tagay na! 0;)

Pacquiao said he got a call from President Arroyo after the fight, and was told that Friday, the day he arrives in Manila, has been declared a non-working holiday. philstar.com

A few hours after, the entire nation (the working populace in general) was disappointed to learn from a breaking news that Friday, May 8, 2009 was declared as a working holiday:

Oh well… so much for having another three-day weekend…

Dear Mr. Bob Ong,

Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.

Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?

In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one.

Lubos na gumagalang,

- Bartolome –

— ANG REPLY ––

Dear Bartolome,

Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak?

Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na lang talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:

1. Bili ka ng century tuna. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box—yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo na yung teacher niya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades, at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher, at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgement receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaction sa mukha niya.

Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”

2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”

3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”

4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.

5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”

6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”

7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit. (para sa mga hindi maka-“gets”, kapag tinanong ka, ang sagot mo ay, “sapagkat, ikaw lamang ang tanging ilaw at liwanag sa buhay ko”, o kaya naman ay, “you light up my life”…

8. I-text mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”

9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”

10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”

11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: “aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko”

12. Pagatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, “ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo”

13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng “salbabida”, wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bakit? ang isagot mo ay ” ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko.”

14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”

Handang tumulong lagi,

-Bob Ong-

umasakapa twitter reference

EXAMPLE:

Definition of You @ Wiki:

You (stressed /jü/; unstressed [jə]) is the second-person personal pronoun in Modern English. Ye was the original nominative form; the oblique/objective form is you (functioning originally as both accusative and dative), and the possessive is your or yours.

Definition of You @ ED:

You are a worthless waste of life, which is why — at this precise point in world history — you are reading this sentence. You think you should be doing something more productive, but for some reason, you aren’t. You think your taste in music matters. You’ve seen every episode of Star Wars multiple times. You think playing video games makes you “alternative”. You “spontaneously” quote Family Guy and Monty Python. You installed Linux on a partition because it seemed vaguely counter-cultural. You wear a fucking fedora in public and believe this makes the world a more whimsical place. You went to a second-tier state college and joined the Roleplaying club on the first day of orientation. You watch anime but insist you’re not a fanboy. You quote memes at parties and then laugh alone, awkwardly. You own at least one cape which you wear “ironically” to comic conventions. You drive a 1990′s Civic with crumbs on the floor and an “I roll 20′s” bumper sticker. You write long posts in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist but never get responses. Your parents pay for most if not all of your college tuition because you lack the motivation to seek financial independence. You have never had sex. No one wants to be anywhere near that close to you. You think people shouldn’t judge you based on your meager accomplishments because that’s not, like, what you’re about, you know? You collect Plastic Crap. You hover around the edges of your social group, grasping at straws of approval. You get your ideas and arguments from blogs. You don’t get invited, you tag along. You like to tell yourself you “only date nerds because they understand” you, but then masturbate to 10′s who wouldn’t even waste the breath to tell you to fuck off if you approached one of them in a bar. You sit at your desk daydreaming about which X-Men power you want, while your peers are building the world in their image. You fail it, where it = ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Encyclopedia Dramatica = Win.

…We do it for the lulz.

• Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
• Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
• Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
• A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’, ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise’. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of -ize.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dress ed not with catsup but with vinegar.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don’t try Rugby – the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

umasakapa twitter reference

Friends,

I need your help to support some street children. Pasensya na at di talaga kaya ng budget ko to support their nightly accommodation. I can only accommodate three. Nakikitulog lang naman sila at umaalis sa araw para kumain sa DSWD. Kaya kung may konting space kayo, kahit sa garahe, you can make a big difference.

If interested, just call toll-free… 1800-UNICEF-childhelp.

Thanks.

Click here to view the photo of the street children. It will really melt your heart…